I'm gonna take a moment to explain something, cause I know it probably crosses your minds now and again.

See, I have this problem, even though I don't really see it as one so much. I have this kind of myopic vision when it comes to my life sometimes, and I have a really hard time prying my eyes away from the immediate to look around at the periphery. And even when I do, it's usually not for long, and as soon as my attention goes back to my everyday life and the things going on around me, those things I saw or thought about are essentially gone except for in few, fleeting lucid moments.

What that translates to is a lot of passing thoughts about my family, my friends back home, etc, and a lot of good intent and not a lot of follow through.

I've been telling myself to write me grandparents a thank you note for my Christmas present for months now. LIterally months, at this point, and that's sad. I think about it every day, when I wake up, when I get home from work, all the times basically I have either more immediate things to worry about or nothing can be done. So I'm stuck in this place where I know I should, my folks remind me to, I feel bad about not, but I still don't end up writing this letter. It's frustrating, but apparently, as my psych degree tips me off to, it's not important enough to me to make myself sit down and do it.

Now that sounds bad, I know, saying that my grandparents aren't important enough to me to write, but, hear me out. I'm really secure in myself in certain ways, especially when it comes to most of my friendships, and familial relationships. I don't miss home because I don't need to see my friends everyday to know they're still my friends. I don't as well need to talk to my family everyday to know they're ok and that they love me. It's safe then to assume the same of me. Even if I don't say it to you directly, I'm thankful, I'm ok, and I'm getting enough to eat, even when the last two out of three of those statements aren't true to your standards.

I guess I kind of make this assumption that makes too much sense to me to be functional, that if you do something nice for someone they're going to be thankful. I don't ask for thanks, because it's up to the other person to give it, and how others give thanks can differ from how I expect it. I don't think it's a legitimate line of thinking to believe people have to thank you on your own terms. It's not genuine. It's not that I'm not thankful, I am. I just need people to know that even if I don't go out of my way to say it, I still feel that way.

Please understand that I have a life that is very involving, and maybe it makes me selfish that I tend to immediate needs first. But I love you all very much, and I love hearing from you and appreciate your gifts and comments and stories always. Please, never think that because I don't write or call that I don't hold you in my heart and thoughts always.