Calling It Quits

Calling It Quits

For the record, on Sunday, Sept. 10 I quit smoking. I was at Nijyu Maru with Natascha after work and I mentioned that I hate being tired all the time, cause when we get together after work I'm always tired, and so is she, and I always feel bad that I'm so drained hanging out with her instead of being my normal, er, sort of, peppy occasionally manic self. I said I ought to quit smoking. She said why don't you, and I said I dunno. She said, "so quit." And I said ok. I quit. And that was that.

This has been a long time coming I guess in my ongoing quest to reclaim having any energy at all ever. For what must be 5 or 6 years I've been drained and have had no energy to really do anything. My vitamin supplements helped a little, and my mineral supplements helped even more, which reminds me I need to buy more of, but smoking I know has been the primary insidious factor leeching my energy/will to live for the 4 years I've been doing it.

I miss smoking though, I really like it. Not for the nicotine so much as that I actually just enjoy the act of smoking. The places I always go to smoke are meaningless to me now, and that makes me sad. And bored. I read a lot more now though. But there are so many times when i would normally be smoking and it's a constant reminder of how much smoking was a part of my everyday routine. Oh well. I can go up stairs without being winded. I don't constantly feel like I need to lay down and rest. I can drink more without feeling sick to my stomach.

Quitting was a good thing, and I'll keep it up. It won't be the last cigarette I ever smoke, but it'll be a long time before I have another. I will prevail. My goal though is not to develop a hatred of smoking or resentment towards those that do. I can already feel it brewing as I develop psychological barriers to justify quitting, and I want to avoid that. It's just something I don't want to do anymore. That'll be the hard part, I think.